Cultural dimensions: masculinity vs. femininity (US vs. the Netherlands)

For a while I had a therapist overseas. From my home in the Netherlands, I scheduled video call sessions with a counselor in the US Midwest. We made our time zones work out and I spoke her language, but for long we weren’t aware of another barrier: cultural differences.

In the beginning, my therapist kept suggesting that I should work on my confidence and self-love. I kept asking her why she thought that: I just did not know how to recognize those issues as lacking in myself. In her eyes I was stubborn and defensive; in my eyes she didn’t understand me. It took a while for us to figure out that we were using different cultural lenses.

Cultural dimensions
One way to compare cultures is with the cultural dimensions theory of social psychologist Geert Hofstede, which ranks countries on several scales of social characteristics. Data gathered shows that the biggest difference between the Netherlands and the US has to do with the societies’ different levels of ‘masculinity’, which is defined as how important it is for people to be ‘the best.’

The US counts as a masculine country, which means that the society values competition, performance, and achievement (especially for men). As a result, people tend to openly talk about their successes and status. By contrast, the Netherlands is a highly feminine country, placing more importance on caring for others and quality of life (for both men and women). Standing out from the crowd or being different from others is not admirable.

In the Netherlands, it is common to say about someone who is showing off or showing too much personality that they should “act normal”, to which might be added: “that’s already crazy enough!” Being ‘different’ from what is considered ‘normal’ is not admired nor appreciated. Other highly feminine countries can be found in Scandinavia, where a similar cultural attitude is expressed in the Law of Jante: don’t think you are special or better than others.

Hofstede elaborates: “in feminine countries, assertive behavior and attempts at excelling are easily ridiculed. Excellence is something one keeps to oneself; it easily leads to jealousy.” This difference has been observed even in situations where it is appropriate to share your excellence: in job application procedures, US applicants tend to oversell themselves, while Dutch applicants tend to undersell themselves.

Thinking about these differences, I realized that I had been ‘underselling’ myself to my therapist. Even when I was confident and aware of my skills and qualities, I would be modest in sharing them. My therapist read this as a lack of personal confidence and self-love, because her culture does not perceive self-promotion as negatively as mine does.

The above is a screenshot from the Hofstede country comparison tool, which shows that the US and the Netherlands differ most on the dimension of masculinity. The US scores relatively high (62 out of 100, ranking 19th out of 76 countries surveyed), while the score of the Netherlands is very low (scoring 14 and ranking fourth lowest of all countries, only after Sweden, Norway, and Latvia).

Individualism
This dimension of culture should not to be confused with the distinction between individualist or collectivist cultures, which is a separate dimension in the Hofstede theory. Individualism is defined as relative independence from other in-group members (such as family), while masculinity vs. femininity is about a stress on ego versus a stress on relationships with others regardless of group ties. Helping others without regard to their group identification (such as social welfare) is feminine, not collectivist.

The graph shows that both the US and the Netherlands are highly individualist countries: people value being independent from others. In the US however this is combined with standing out, while in the Netherlands this is combined with blending in. Hofstede writes: “Young people in US society have been socialized to boost their egos: they take both their problems and their competencies seriously. Young people in the Netherlands are socialized rather to efface the ego.”

Personality on multiple levels
In Enneagram parlance, the US is a quintessential type 3 country: success-oriented and self-promoting. The Netherlands, on the other hand, is a type 9 country: modest, less assertive, and looking for comfort and happiness. Though according to the Enneagram both types have a tendency to shape themselves to fit what they think others like, 3s do this to get attention from others (standing out in a socially valued way), while 9s do this to avoid drawing attention to themselves (blending in in an invisible way).

The comparison with Enneagram types, which of course are primarily used to describe individual personalities and not countries, includes an important reminder: certainly, our thinking and behaving is not only determined by our culture. Every society exists of individuals all with their own characteristics. Societies encourage some characteristics and discourage others, but do not necessarily cause them or only insofar they influence childhood experiences – though experts differ on this topic.

In my case, social conditioning is reinforced by my personality type: as an introverted Enneagram 5 with a 9 fix, too much attention or admiration makes me uncomfortable. I know that it had not been the first time that others had seen me as insecure about my own abilities. Sure enough, sometimes this was accurate, but other times I created this false impression as a consequence of culture and personality forming a layer of distortion between what I think and what I express.

This example goes to show that there exist potential barriers to mutual understanding on more than one level. Openness to others must incorporate a sensitivity to both culture and their personality; social and personal identity. Only then we can get a grasp of the full spectrum of how differently others see the world.

The painting at the top of the article is The Singing Butler by Jack Vettriano (1992).

_{Reference:
Hofstede, G., Hofstede, G. J., & Minkov, M. (2010). Cultures and organizations: software of the mind : intercultural cooperation and its importance for survival. 3rd ed. New York ; London: McGraw-Hill.}